Myths of Manhood #2 – To be a man is to fulfil a girl’s every desire.
"There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus." – Blaise Pascal
"Tell me what I gotta do to please you Baby anything you say I'll do Cause I only wanna make you happy From the bottom of my heart, it's true" – from the lady-killin’ track, "I Wanna Know" from the "hits machine" that is (was?) Joe. (I admit, I like the song)
Back in grade 11, I had a girlfriend. And I really liked her. We were best friends, and I really cared about all the things that were going on in her life – friendship problems (you know high school girls..), mom problems, dad problems, body-image problems, etc., etc. She wasn’t like, uber-screwed up or anything, its just the teenage condition: life is drama. Anyways, I really wanted to be there for her, and solve all those things.
When we broke up (it was far from a conflict-free relationship), I felt really really crappy. And looking back, the sense of loss was more a feeling of failure. I felt that I had failed as a man. My conception of love (as clearly stated by Joe in the above excerpt) was that I was gonna be her everything, and her mine. Emotionally, physically, spiritually(I guess?). However, that is a pile of crap.
Fortunately, since then I’ve discovered what went wrong. Jesus is to be that fulfillment. Jesus, talking to a girl with tonnes of guy problems, told her "Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again (Adam’s note – the water refers to the well they were standing next to, but I think if you look at the context, He’s talking about all the guys she’s been with); 14but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst" (John 4:13-14). So, those longings we have, whether it be for bgr (boy-girl relationships), a good job, purpose, adventure, etc., they will never be REALLY fulfilled until we have the living water. This means the intimate relationship we have with Jesus when He comes in and lives in us (John 7:37-39)
The big lesson I’ve learned from that relationship is that the most loving thing to do for anyone is to draw them closer to Jesus. It is Jesus who satisfies, not a perfect body, or perfect parents, or a semi-mediocre boyfriend. Man, I wish I knew this. I wish I could pin my spiritual eyelids wide open each day to remind me that God is the thing I really need. Every thirst and longing and ache points to my need for Jesus.
This is good news. The question, "Can I ever be someone’s dream guy?" (answer: no) is replaced with "Can I love God with all my heart, all my soul, and all my strength?" Since I’ve got Jesus Christ living in me, I have faith that He’ll produce the love I need.
That is all.
Note to other men: "what about the girl who IS looking for that dream guy (tall, hairy, good at mario kart, nice pickup truck, sporting a mullet, whatever the women are into these days)?" My humble advice: Pray for her and move on. A Godly man (what we aspire to, not what we claim to be) desires a woman whose dreams are of following Jesus, not (insert male celebrity here. I clearly do not know popular culture. I should read the entertainment section more. Or the newspaper in general).
"Tell me what I gotta do to please you Baby anything you say I'll do Cause I only wanna make you happy From the bottom of my heart, it's true" – from the lady-killin’ track, "I Wanna Know" from the "hits machine" that is (was?) Joe. (I admit, I like the song)
Back in grade 11, I had a girlfriend. And I really liked her. We were best friends, and I really cared about all the things that were going on in her life – friendship problems (you know high school girls..), mom problems, dad problems, body-image problems, etc., etc. She wasn’t like, uber-screwed up or anything, its just the teenage condition: life is drama. Anyways, I really wanted to be there for her, and solve all those things.
When we broke up (it was far from a conflict-free relationship), I felt really really crappy. And looking back, the sense of loss was more a feeling of failure. I felt that I had failed as a man. My conception of love (as clearly stated by Joe in the above excerpt) was that I was gonna be her everything, and her mine. Emotionally, physically, spiritually(I guess?). However, that is a pile of crap.
Fortunately, since then I’ve discovered what went wrong. Jesus is to be that fulfillment. Jesus, talking to a girl with tonnes of guy problems, told her "Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again (Adam’s note – the water refers to the well they were standing next to, but I think if you look at the context, He’s talking about all the guys she’s been with); 14but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst" (John 4:13-14). So, those longings we have, whether it be for bgr (boy-girl relationships), a good job, purpose, adventure, etc., they will never be REALLY fulfilled until we have the living water. This means the intimate relationship we have with Jesus when He comes in and lives in us (John 7:37-39)
The big lesson I’ve learned from that relationship is that the most loving thing to do for anyone is to draw them closer to Jesus. It is Jesus who satisfies, not a perfect body, or perfect parents, or a semi-mediocre boyfriend. Man, I wish I knew this. I wish I could pin my spiritual eyelids wide open each day to remind me that God is the thing I really need. Every thirst and longing and ache points to my need for Jesus.
This is good news. The question, "Can I ever be someone’s dream guy?" (answer: no) is replaced with "Can I love God with all my heart, all my soul, and all my strength?" Since I’ve got Jesus Christ living in me, I have faith that He’ll produce the love I need.
That is all.
Note to other men: "what about the girl who IS looking for that dream guy (tall, hairy, good at mario kart, nice pickup truck, sporting a mullet, whatever the women are into these days)?" My humble advice: Pray for her and move on. A Godly man (what we aspire to, not what we claim to be) desires a woman whose dreams are of following Jesus, not (insert male celebrity here. I clearly do not know popular culture. I should read the entertainment section more. Or the newspaper in general).
posted by Adam @ 9:48 PM
7 Comments:
At 2:42 PM,
His Creation said…
sporting a mullet???
At 6:06 PM,
monica said…
Ewww... that is that so awful! Like some kind of hairy trucker stud type guy with a bad haircut is supposed to be "every girl's dream guy"??? What a terrible idea!! That is so disgusting!
And you know, I think once girls get past like age 13-16, most male celebrities pretty much all look like plastic steriod clones of each other (at least in Hollywood... or actually maybe just the labeled "supposed to be hunky" type guys). So ummm... don't ever try to look like one (if that was ever a goal), please?
But all in all, I agree with the main message of this post minus that last blurb. Most women that want men to fulfill their every desire don't know what/why they really want the things they do. And you're right; they'll never be happy anyways.
At 7:02 PM,
lowonthego said…
good stuff.
At 9:01 PM,
Adam said…
monica, don't pretend like you did not have a thing for Justin Timberlake in his "I have a white-afro" phase. That was pretty hot.
In regards to mullets, they are all the rage now in youth culture. If not, they should be. And women should be entranced by the bold statement made in choosing a mullet. It quickly becomes a primary feature in a man's physical appearance, what a risky thing to do!
On a serious note, although I am glad you see that, Monica, I would argue that the dominant conception of love in our culture presents relationships as the key to fulfillment in life. Though many girls (and guys) will not admit that they subscribe to this view, it is ingrained in every love song, chick flick, and novel with a romantic subplot to the point that it has become a natural assumption. Christian culture is equally as prone to this fatal error: only Christ satisfies!
At 12:34 PM,
monica said…
What happened to the bear and the big blue house??
At 9:34 AM,
Anonymous said…
Andrea's clearly on the bandwagon with her own mullet.
Good post, Adam.
At 8:03 PM,
Anonymous said…
hey Adam, first time reading your blog...its good man, keep up the good stuff.
Joel
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